Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
