u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
