We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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