Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
