Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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