I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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