How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
