I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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