you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
