He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
