I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
