At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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