someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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