Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
