so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
