You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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