can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
