Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize