Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
