11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
