Rock
Scissors
Fuck
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
