this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
