i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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