Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize