My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
