im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
