I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
