I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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