you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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