dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
