Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
