My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
