I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
