I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
