toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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