The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
As shirtless as possible
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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