I just threw up on my dentist
please come you make the beer taste better
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
