Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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