Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
