The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
