I wish life had little blips of pornography
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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