officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
