I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My vagina is officially offended.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
