just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
