I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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