You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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