Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
