True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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