hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
