Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
