soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
