My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
