Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
