I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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