no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize