so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
