omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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