I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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