how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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