she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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