Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
