I have demons in me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize