I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
