I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
