Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
