I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
