Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
