come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
