I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm passing your future prison.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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