Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
