ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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