Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
