i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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