did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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