Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
